and you still think he is telling the truth?
::..:: gathering my way ::..::
March 27, 2006
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http://1000wells.com/water so simple and so many are without and i worry about filtering the already clean water i have.
so we visted another church sunday a small methodist one near our home. people where very nice mostly oldre doing contemporary worhsip which was cool, not many kids. i struggle with church mightily. i felt good about the place we wnent to sunday but sydney did not. i keep thining about starting something from sctratch but something always stops me. is it the area that there just arent a lot of followers or is it that the followers are just mired in old ways of doing and thinking, there just doesnt seem to be alot of passion and energy at the churches we have visited and i am not sure what to do right now, so maybe the answer is to just start something new and see what happens but i dont want it just to be me and my family. any ideas?
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March 18, 2006
sydney found out yesterday that she was pregnant and had a miscarriage wednesday. i feel that i am on a roller coaster right now. i keep thinking about what could have been a child formed from a miracle gone and i do not understand why, can anyone understand why. i know there are medical reason why a women who is 48 should be more likely then a younger one to have this happen. but you see i had a vasectomy 14 years ago and we had quinn almost 2 years ago. why did sydney get pregnant again i will never know. it has all made me think about life and its fragility and its miracle and how we are living out a life that is committed to the God who created this child i will never know, who is now sitting in a landfill in a small ziploc bag. all the potential all the energy gone, i have no doubt that this child was alive a growing creation of love that is now with my God so i guess someday i will know this child, yet i am so sad today about what could have been that will never be known. i know i am blessed when i listen and watch the constant chaos around our house all the lives that God has allowed me to be a part of all love they have for God. and to make things more confusing we had started to see if we could adopt another child a boy and have filed all the paperwork to start that process and we are waiting to see if we will be allowed to become this child's family and then this and my confusion is acute, no anger just confusion and tears that keep welling up in my eyes and a emptiness in my gut that keeps making me stop and wonder about all this. LORD please be with sydney and help her feel your comfort and love and also be with my child i will never know.
March 05, 2006
we watched geronimo an american legend last night and i kept thinking about this verse from exodus 20 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments." all the sins committed against the native americans by our country are still being committed promises never kept and we think collectively well at least in the evangelical world that the USA is the new jerusalem a righteous arbiter of peace and justice in the world. our view of our own history is so warped how can ever think we will be a place that values peace and justice. our history our collective psyche is built upon the oppression of other peoples who we as a nation are unwilling to repent from. the government is still stealing from native americans still letting promise go unfulfilled and we see no need to change. maybe all the problems we have a society aren’t because of things like gay marriage or liberal theologies but from sins committed by our forbearer’s generations ago. there was a great scene in the movie where gatewood hands geronimo a cross and says his God is a God of peace and geronimo looks back at him and responds that the One God of his people is also a God of peace and then geronimo surrenders. have we forgotten that there are always consequences for our actions and even our children’s children children’s children will be affected by those consequences.
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